


Kristy's Big Crush

by Sonni89



Category: The Baby-Sitters Club (TV 2020)
Genre: Coming Out, Crushes, F/F, Feelings Realization, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:55:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28129500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonni89/pseuds/Sonni89
Summary: The girls take a magazine quiz about crushes. Kristy has a realization about hers.
Relationships: Mary Anne Spier/Kristy Thomas
Comments: 57
Kudos: 111
Collections: Yuletide 2020





	Kristy's Big Crush

**Author's Note:**

  * For [scintilla10](https://archiveofourown.org/users/scintilla10/gifts).



> Happy Yuletide, scintilla10. I really loved your letter and your prompts, and I hope this is what you had in mind. 
> 
> Many thanks to my betas, i_am_girlfriday and anotherthief, and to cashewdani, insunshine, and torigates for the hand-holding.

“Oh look,” Stacey says. “A quiz!”

It’s a slow day at BSC Headquarters in Claudia’s room. They came back from camp a week ago, and they still have a week of summer break left. A lot of the families they babysit for went to the beach, so instead of taking calls, they’re flipping through the newest Seventeen magazine. Kristy doesn’t really see the point, but it’s not like they have anything else to do. 

“ _How into your crush are you,_ ” Claudia reads.

“Ugh,” Kristy says, and rolls her eyes. “That’s so stupid.”

She doesn’t really want to talk about this. _Crushes_ seem so foreign to her. She’s never looked at boys and had anything but feelings of either friendship or disdain for them, and Kristy has been starting to wonder if there is something wrong with her. Everybody else seems to have crushes. Stacey, obviously, always has at least one. Claudia liked Trevor. Even Mary Anne kissed Logan at camp just a few weeks ago, although that doesn’t seem to have turned into anything more. Kristy never really figured out why, but she knows it’s definitely Logan’s fault, because Mary Anne is just the greatest. 

“Please, Kristy,” Claudia says, and bats her eyes at Kristy. They both crack up.

“Fine, I guess,” Kristy says. If all her friends want to do it, she guesses she’ll acquiesce to their demands just this once. 

“I wanna go first,” Stacey announces. 

“Let’s just all do it,” Claudia says and hands out post-it notes and sparkly pens. 

Kristy pulls a face. She doesn’t have a crush, how is she even supposed to answer these questions? 

“Do you have things in common with your crush,” Claudia says, reading off the page. “a) Yes, b) a few things, or c) not really?”

“Hmm. Not really,” Stacey says. Kristy wonders how you can have a crush on someone you have nothing in common with. 

“A few things, I guess,” Dawn says. 

Mary Anne and Claudia say nothing, and just write on their post-it notes instead. Kristy still doesn’t know what to do, but she figures she’ll just make something up and writes _yes_ , because she’d want her crush to have things in common with her, wouldn’t she? What would they even talk about otherwise? 

“Next question,” Claudia announces. “Do you and your crush have any inside jokes? a) too many to count, b) a few, or c) not really, we don’t talk all that much.”

The girls murmur and look down again, marking their answers. Kristy thinks of the Baby-Sitters Club and how many inside jokes they have together, and how many jokes she has with Mary Anne specifically that only the two of them think are funny, and thinks about how that’s exactly what she wants with a crush, too. A it is.

“Next question?” Dawn asks when she looks up from her paper. 

“How long have you known your crush? a) it’s been so long, I can’t even remember when we met, b) a little over a year, or c) we met recently.”

Kristy considers how it would be magical to have a crush on someone she’s known for a really long time, because after all, if she’s known someone for a really long time, she’s had a lot of time to deem them crush-worthy. She thinks of the person she’s known the longest—Mary Anne—and how great she is, and marks down A. 

“Would you tell your crush all your secrets,” Claudia continues. “a) absolutely, b) only some, or c) never!” 

The only person Kristy has told pretty much all of her secrets to is Mary Anne. She thinks if she had a crush, she’d like to also share all her secrets with that person. She puts down A.

Claudia keeps asking questions, and Kristy keeps accidentally thinking about Mary Anne when she answers them. 

“Results time,” Claudia announces after what has felt like an eternity. “If you’ve mostly answered C, your crush isn’t that serious. You’ll get over it and find somebody else you’ll like more in no time.”

“Aw, bummer,” Stacey says. “I really thought he was the one.”

Mary Anne pulls Stacey towards her in a one-armed hug. “Aww, it’ll be okay, Stace. You’ll bounce back.”

Stacey motions for Claudia to continue. 

“If you’ve mostly answered B, your crush may very well be a real crush, but it sounds like it’s somebody you haven’t spent that much time with. Try and get some alone time with him to figure out what you really want, and if you like him more after you’ve hung out more, you’ll know if it’s a crush worth pursuing.”

“Interesting,” Dawn says in a tone that’s way too cool, and also doesn’t prompt follow-up questions. “But also, this quiz is so heteronormative.” 

“Hetero… what now?” Claudia asks. Kristy is glad Claudia asked, because she doesn’t know either. 

“Heteronormative,” Dawn repeats. “It means they’re assuming that we, the quiz takers, are girls and that our crush is a boy, because heterosexuality is still considered the default, even though it’s not. Not everybody is straight,” she finishes. 

“Oh, yeah, that’s really not cool they just assumed that,” Claudia says. 

Claudia and Dawn start musing about whether or not to write an e-mail to Seventeen in protest, but Kristy has tuned out the rest of their conversation. She’s too busy thinking about how it sounds like having crushes on not-boys is an option. It hasn’t even occurred to her that it might be possible for her to crush on a girl instead. She knows gay people exist, her mom is friends with a few, Dawn’s dad is gay, and she’s watched Andi Mack. But that’s not _her_ , is it? 

When Dawn and Claudia seem to have concluded that they’ll draft an e-mail later, Claudia turns back to the magazine, and that snaps Kristy out of her thoughts, because she hasn’t actually heard her answer to the quiz yet. She’s invested time in it now, so she might as well hear the result. 

“If you’ve mostly answered A, your crush is the real deal, and you really like him. It sounds like your crush is also your best friend, and there are definitely some serious feelings. Love is in the air. Congratulations!”

 _Congratulations_? Are they joking? This is terrible. Kristy wishes she’d never taken the quiz, or at least answered the questions about someone she can’t stand. 

Mary Anne looks at Kristy, then quickly looks away. Does she _know_ Kristy answered most of the questions with her in mind? She couldn’t possibly, right? 

“Hey, what did you get?” Claudia asks Kristy and Mary Anne. 

“A,” Mary Anne says. “I don’t want to talk about it,” she almost snaps, and it seems like everyone else is equally surprised by Mary Anne’s tone, as none of the girls say anything else. 

Huh. Okay. It’s not really a secret how much Mary Anne liked Logan over the summer and all of last year, but the _best friend_ part of the result hurts. Kristy has always thought she’s Mary Anne’s best friend. 

But Kristy also got A. Kristy got A while thinking about Mary Anne, because there’s no other person Kristy would rather spend time with, nobody she thinks is more awesome than Mary Anne, and Mary Anne is prettier than all the boys, and—oh. _Oh._

Oh no. 

“What about you, Claudia? Kristy?” Dawn asks. 

“I got B,” Claudia answers. 

“Hey, same,” Dawn says, and high-fives her. 

Meanwhile, Kristy is doing her best to not look like a deer caught in the headlights, even though that’s exactly how she feels right now. She doesn’t ever want to lie to the Baby-Sitters Club, but how is she supposed to explain something to them that she’s only just beginning to understand herself? 

She makes a snap decision. “C,” she lies, not looking up at them. “I told you, this is stupid.” 

But deep down, Kristy has to admit, she knows it’s not stupid at all. The quiz might have a point. Does she really like _Mary Anne_? 

She looks up, and Mary Anne’s face is doing a weird thing. She almost looks… _disappointed_? That makes absolutely no sense at all.

\---

When Kristy gets home later that afternoon, she quickly says hi to her mom, then almost races up the stairs and to her room. She closes the door behind her, but doesn’t lock it—she doesn’t want to cause suspicion in any way—and moves her laptop so it’s not at all visible from the doorway.

Then she starts googling.

 _“am i a lesbian,”_ she googles, but all she can find is more quizzes, which is just great. Those have already caused her enough trouble today. She takes one anyway, and it tells her that she probably is. Good to have some kind of confirmation, she guesses, but not particularly helpful. 

_“am i gay,”_ she tries next, and rabbitholes through many, many different websites, some with much more detail than she really wanted. At least she learned about sexuality being a _spectrum_ and also that there are more sexualities than straight and gay. She finally finds an article on _Cosmopolitan_ in which women chronicle how they figured out they were lesbians. Some of it sounds really familiar to Kristy, but all of these women seem so _sophisticated_ and _worldly_. That’s not Kristy. Kristy is just a teenager in Connecticut trying to work out if she's in love with her best friend. 

Is there not one place on the internet that can tell her for sure if she’s in love with Mary Anne? 

Finally, she lands on reddit, and decides to take matters into her own hands. After half an hour of browsing through the r/questioning subreddit, she signs up for an account and makes her own post.

**“Am I (13F) gay and in love with my best friend (13F)?”**

> _I’ve known my best friend since birth and we’re really close. We have a babysitting business together, and we used to be neighbors, so we hang out all the time. Recently we took a magazine quiz and it said I was in love with her. I don’t even know if I’m gay, but I know I don’t like any boys. I’m loud and bossy and she’s quiet and cares about fairness and justice, and she’s really so great. A few months ago I got really jealous when she made a new friend. She’s my favorite person to spend time with, I think about her all the time when she’s not around and I also think she’s really cute and pretty. Am I in love with her? Please help!_

She ends up getting a few replies, most of which say, _you might be gay_ , or, _it sounds like you could potentially be in love with your best friend, but you’re the only one who can know for sure_ , but then, that’s the whole problem, isn’t it? When she checks the thread again an hour later, she also has one new reply that says, _you’re only 13, she’s probably just your best friend_ , to which Kristy’s immediate, visceral reaction is, “No, she isn’t!”

Well. In a roundabout way, that answers that, Kristy guesses.

\---

That Saturday, the five girls decide to walk to the park for an end of the summer picnic.

Mary Anne picks Kristy up at Watson’s house (Kristy guesses she should start referring to it as _her house_ now because it is, but it’s not like she was there at all most of the summer), and gives Kristy a big, long hug. The hug in itself isn’t that surprising, because they hug all the time, but it feels much longer and… nicer... than normal. Does Mary Anne know? She couldn’t possibly, right? She’s not trying to let Kristy down gently, is she?

They continue walking, and even as they pick up Claudia, Stacey, and Dawn, Mary Anne just sticks close to her. She links their arms together, which also isn’t entirely new, but somehow it feels different. All of Kristy’s nerve endings feel like they might be on fire. 

Is this what people mean when they say _gaydar_? Does it just mean all your senses are more tuned into the girl you like, and you’re much more aware of everything they do and say? Kristy isn’t sure if that’s what it is, but it certainly should be, because that’s how she’s feeling right now, and she’d like to have a word for it. 

At the picnic itself, they sit down in a circle on blankets Stacey brought, and Mary Anne hands out shortbread cookies she baked and decorated for everyone. Stacey gets a cookie shaped as a dress, Dawn gets one shaped as a tree, which makes her laugh, Claudia gets a crayon, and Kristy gets… is that a heart?! 

Her own heart swoops. This is just unfair. Even more unfair when Mary Anne shyly looks away after she gives it to her. Dawn seems to be looking at Kristy’s cookie extra closely, too, which is strange. She’s not jealous, is she? 

“Wow, this is so pretty,” Claudia says, examining her cookie picture frame. 

“You’re so talented, Mary Anne,” Dawn says. “I love mine so much!” Dawn sounds sincere, so she probably isn’t jealous about Kristy’s heart-shaped cookie after all. 

“I almost don’t want to eat it,” Stacey says, “but I also want to devour it immediately. I’ll just have to keep checking my levels,” she adds, and Mary Anne quietly hands her a small to-go container, clearly for if Stacey can’t finish the whole thing right now. Mary Anne is so thoughtful. 

Thoughtful. And she gave Kristy a _heart_. Be normal, Kristy tells herself.

“Yes, agreed, this is really cool. Thank you, Mary Anne,” she says, and Mary Anne frowns a little, which confuses Kristy. Didn’t she just compliment her? 

“You’re welcome,” Mary Anne says, and her smile reappears as soon as she looks up at everyone. 

Dawn starts passing out cups and plates, all reusable, she insisted, and they dig into the sandwiches Kristy’s mom made for everyone. 

Kristy is still a little unsettled about the way Mary Anne’s face fell earlier, so she elbows Mary Anne a little to get her attention, then squeezes her hand and says, “Hey. I really like my heart; it’s so beautiful.” 

_Just like you,_ Kristy finishes in her head as Mary Anne shoots her a brilliant, sparkling smile. Oh, she’s in trouble.

\---

Kristy rings Dawn’s doorbell the next day. Her palms are clammy, and she feels like she might be sick.

“Hey, Kristy,” Dawn says when she opens the door, then immediately, “Oh my god, what’s wrong?” 

“Nothing’s wrong,” Kristy says on instinct. “Well. I have to tell you something.”

“That sounds ominous. Come on in,” Dawn says, and opens the door all the way so Kristy can brush past her. “Come sit on the couch. My mom’s out grocery shopping. Do you want some water, or one of the weird sugar-free sodas?”

Kristy smiles at that, which breaks her inner monologue of ‘oh no, oh no, what are you doing, oh no’ a little bit. 

“Sure, I’ll have one of the weird sodas, thank you,” she says, almost absent-mindedly. 

Dawn hands her a bottle and she almost, but not quite, does a spit-take when she tastes it. It really is weird and somehow tastes like apples and vinegar at the same time, but she immediately has another sip, just so she doesn’t quite have to talk yet. 

“So, what’s up?” Dawn asks as she takes up space on the other end of the couch, folding up her legs pretzel-style. 

“If I tell you something, uh, personal… will you promise not to judge me?” Kristy asks. 

“Of course,” Dawn says immediately. 

“Remember when we took that crush quiz in the magazine?” Kristy takes another swig of her drink, hoping the bubbles will calm her stomach. She feels like she’s going to vibrate out of her skin, she’s so nervous. 

Dawn nods, motioning for Kristy to go on. 

“I lied about my result,” Kristy says, and can’t look Dawn in the eyes. 

“Kristy!” Dawn chastises, but when Kristy looks up, Dawn is still smiling. “Why did you lie?”

“Well, at first I was just trying to prove it was stupid…” Kristy starts, but then realizes she’s stalling. This isn’t going to get any easier, is it?

Dawn is just looking at her, waiting for her to go on, but not pressuring her to say more. 

Kristy takes a deep breath in, then, on an exhale, says very quickly and in one breath, “IthinkI’mgay.”

“Aw, Kristy,” Dawn says, and then, faster than Kristy can even react, Dawn is on her side of the couch, almost tackling her, and hugs Kristy tightly. “Thank you for trusting me with this. I love you,” Dawn says into the hug. 

Kristy feels so much relief that she feels her eyes start to water. Only when Dawn strokes her head and says, “Shhh, it’s okay, let it all out,” does Kristy realize she’s really properly crying now. 

After who knows how long, once Kristy has mostly stopped crying, she starts to pull back from the hug. Dawn lets her, but moves to put an arm around Kristy as they sit next to each other on the couch now. 

“Is this the first time you’ve said it out loud?” Dawn asks Kristy. 

Kristy nods. Words still seem too difficult. 

“Wow,” Dawn says, and she looks a little proud, too. “How do you feel?”

Kristy just stares up ahead. Words. She does remember how to use those, maybe? Dawn is still nothing but patient with her, giving her the space she needs to think, and Kristy really appreciates that about Dawn. She’s a good friend, and more than ever, she’s glad that she realized that. Better late than never. It turns out, Mary Anne has really good taste in friends. 

“I don’t know,” Kristy finally says, and she really doesn’t. Mostly her head hurts from crying, and she’s a little embarrassed, too. But there’s something else. “I think I feel relieved.” She really does feel like a load on her has been lifted. 

“Good. I don’t think there’s a specific way you’re supposed to feel, but that’s what my friend Brianna said, too, when she came out to my LA friend group last year.”

Kristy remembers Dawn telling them about her friend Brianna back in California, who came out to Dawn and some others a few months before Dawn moved to Stoneybrook. Kristy is aware Dawn’s dad is gay, and knowing that Dawn is cool with that also helped, but it was Dawn talking about her friend Brianna the way she did, like her being a lesbian didn’t change a single thing about their friendship, that made Kristy deliberately pick Dawn to come out to first. Kristy admires this girl she’s never met, too, for telling multiple people at once. That seems impossibly scary to her, telling the entire Baby-Sitters Club at the same time. 

“Oh no,” Kristy says. “Does that mean I have to tell the others, too?” The idea that she might have to repeat this whole ordeal, this time with everyone, and specifically with people she’s known all her life, instantly makes her stomach twist in knots. 

“You don’t have to do anything, Kristy. This is really personal, and it’s up to you who knows and who doesn’t. But I think eventually, you might want to? You don’t particularly like keeping secrets, do you?” Dawn asks, and elbows Kristy a little to really drive the point home. 

“Ugh. You’re right.” Kristy sighs. 

“Can I ask you one more thing?” Dawn looks at her expectantly. 

Kristy figures she might as well, since she’s been so great about the whole thing. “Yeah, go ahead,” she says. 

“What did the quiz we took have to do with this particular realization?”

Oh. Kristy probably shouldn’t have mentioned the quiz. That was really stupid. She feels herself starting to freak out again, and pulls a face. She really feels like she’s met her freak-out quota for the year today. 

Dawn seems to realize it, too. “It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me,” she says, and pats Kristy on the arm. Kristy knows Dawn really means it. 

Funnily enough, being let off the hook like that makes her feel like she can actually say it. 

“I used Mary Anne as a stand-in for my crush, and the quiz told me I was in love with her, and uh, I think the quiz was right,” she says really quickly, just to get it all out in a whoosh. 

“You’re in love with Mary Anne?” Dawn asks, her eyes wide. 

“Yeah,” Kristy says very quietly. Then, much louder, “You can’t tell her.”

“I would never,” Dawn promises. “But maybe you should tell her,” she says gently. 

“WHAT,” Kristy almost yells. “No way. Not going to happen.” She hadn’t even really thought about ever telling Mary Anne before, because it just seems pointless. Mary Anne likes boys. All she’d do is risk their friendship, and for what? No, this is going to stay between her and Dawn. 

“Okay,” Dawn says, still smiling at Kristy. “It’s up to you, of course.”

“Yeah, that’s going to be a big no,” Kristy says in a way that doesn’t invite further discussion. 

Dawn sighs now, but pulls Kristy in for another hug anyway.

\---

Two weeks later, when Kristy finally gets up the courage to tell the rest of the BSC, it initially goes better than she expected in a lot of ways.

Dawn literally holds her hand through it all and smiles and nods at her supportively. Jessi and Mallory, who have now officially joined the club, look up to Kristy so much Kristy figures as long as she doesn’t axe murder anyone (she may have watched one too many horror films with her brothers last weekend), they’re good. They just smile at her happily and tell her how great she is. It’s really nice to hear. 

Stacey squeals and hugs her, and tells Kristy very earnestly that she’ll be happy to squee about her crushes with her, too, even if she herself 100% likes boys, and Claudia tells Kristy how brave she is and shows her some lesbian artwork she’s saved to her phone of two young girls holding hands, with hearts floating in the air between them. It makes Kristy smile.

But then, there’s Mary Anne. Mary Anne, who hasn’t said a single word since she came out to them a few long minutes ago. She knows Mary Anne is always quiet, but, seriously? Nothing? 

“Thoughts, Mary Anne?” she asks a little pissily. She can’t believe her best friend in the world has nothing to say about this. 

Mary Anne looks caught out, as if she’s just been pulled out of her own deep thoughts, and Kristy is immediately a little annoyed. This is a big deal for her, why isn’t Mary Anne paying more attention?

“Umm… I don’t… uh,” Mary Anne starts, quietly, then swallows visibly. 

“You don’t _what_ ” Kristy feels herself getting mad. “I bare my soul to you and you have no thoughts about it at all? Really?” she yells. Kristy feels like getting angry is the only thing she can do right now, because it’s something she can control. And Kristy has to get mad, because otherwise, she’ll have to think about the possibility of Mary Anne rejecting her, and that just hurts too much to even contemplate.

“Kristy, wait,” Dawn starts, but Mary Anne puts a hand on Dawn’s arm, as if to stop her. Mary Anne takes a deep breath. 

“I mean, obviously I love you. You’re my best friend.” Mary Anne sighs. 

“Obviously?” Kristy shoots back. “I just told you that I’m gay, and you said absolutely nothing.” Kristy’s trying, and failing, to keep her voice steady at the end, and she’s annoyed at herself for that. She really doesn’t want to cry, but she can feel tears welling up. 

Mary Anne stares at her in horror when a tear rolls down Kristy’s cheek, as if Mary Anne is only now realizing the implications of her best friend coming out to her and her saying nothing at all. What? Then what’s her problem, if it’s not the gay thing? 

“Sorry, sorry, you’re right, wow. I’m so sorry, Kristy. I was in my own head, and that was really messed up of me.” Mary Anne actually looks rueful and like she knows she made a mistake. Plus, that’s the closest Mary Anne has ever gotten to swearing, so Kristy has to suppress a smile at that.

Mary Anne turns away from the others and towards Kristy, so she’s only talking to her and not to all of them.

“Let me try this again. Kristy, you’re my very best friend and nothing is ever going to change that. I didn’t mean to make you think otherwise even for a second, and I’m really sorry I did. I love you so much.” Mary Anne is almost pleading with Kristy here, and Kristy knows Mary Anne means it, so she can feel herself getting more steady, letting go of most of the anger. 

Kristy decides to drop it for now. “Apology accepted. I love you too,” she adds, and smiles at Mary Anne. They do have an audience after all, even if they seem very busy trying to look anywhere but directly at them. 

When Mary Anne smiles back, Kristy believes her. Whatever is going on with Mary Anne, it has nothing to do with her not accepting Kristy. Kristy can see that now. 

Mary Anne hugs her then, and holds on for a while, and Kristy has just about the same amount of feelings about it as she usually does, which is to say, a lot of them. Being in love with your best friend is definitely not something she’d recommend. Especially when that friend likes boys. Likes _Logan_.

When Mary Anne lets go from the hug, she says, “I’m really glad you told us, you’re so brave.” Belatedly, she whispers, “Braver than me.” 

Kristy isn’t sure she heard right, and even so, she’s pretty sure she wasn’t supposed to hear that last part, so because of all the other nice things Mary Anne just said, and how she’s still feeling a little rattled after that hug, she decides to let it go for now. 

She looks around the room instead. Claudia and Dawn are busy pretending not to have listened to a word that she and Mary Anne exchanged, and Stacey seems to have engaged Jessi and Mallory in an intense discussion about… the ballet in New York City? She looks at her gratefully for distracting them. 

“That was much better,” she says to the room, then turns to Mary Anne. “Thank you,” she says just to Mary Anne, and smiles at her. Mary Anne holds her gaze for a second, then looks away. 

What a whirlwind these last five minutes have been. Kristy can feel her heart beating very loudly, and thinks everyone else must be able to hear it too. “Okay, that’s enough emotions for the day,” she announces, and is grateful when everyone laughs at that. 

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Dawn elbow Claudia. 

“Who wants snacks?” Claudia asks then, and everyone’s quickly talking over each other trying to pick candy from Claudia’s stash. 

Kristy smiles at Dawn gratefully.

\---

Now that Kristy has come out to all of her friends, she’s glad to note that no one is treating her any differently.

Well, Mary Anne keeps _staring_ at her, and it’s a little unsettling, but she just chalks it up to Mary Anne being her best friend and also to Kristy being the first teen lesbian Mary Anne has ever met. It could also just be Mary Anne’s great attention to detail, though what that detail is, she doesn’t know. But otherwise, Mary Anne is still quiet and lovely and always smiles at Kristy when she sees her, so apart from her own mountain of feelings for Mary Anne, nothing else really feels different. Mary Anne is still her best friend. 

That’s why she doesn’t think anything of it when Mary Anne invites her over for a sleepover that Friday night. It’s what they’ve always done a couple of Friday nights every month. 

But immediately, the vibe is different. For one thing, Mary Anne greets Kristy at the door in an apron, because apparently, Mary Anne is _cooking_ , and whatever she’s making smells delicious. Kristy didn’t even know Mary Anne could cook anything that wasn’t eggs or toast. 

Then, Mary Anne tells her that her dad actually agreed to go out on a date with Sharon while Kristy’s over, and that they’re allowed to be by themselves until 9. 

“I made spaghetti and meatballs,” she announces. “My dad taught me last weekend.” 

“Wow,” Kristy just says, because she’s genuinely impressed. She didn’t know Mary Anne could still surprise her after so many years of friendship, but apparently she can. Kristy is in awe of the effort Mary Anne went through for their sleepover, and it’s making her feel things. Who knew she could fall in love with Mary Anne even more than she already was to begin with? That should be forbidden, it was already hard enough before. 

Mary Anne gets down two big bowls and serves them both generously. They sit next to each other at the kitchen island, talking about their day at school over truly delicious pasta.

“This was incredible,” Kristy says after she has polished off her entire bowl. “You’re incredible. I can’t believe you went through all that effort.” 

“You’re worth it,” Mary Anne says shyly and ducks her head. 

“Awwww,” Kristy says to that, because what else can she even say to that, and hugs Mary Anne from the side. Mary Anne hugs her back. 

Mary Anne lets Kristy pick a movie to watch, but after the lovely dinner Mary Anne made, Kristy tells Mary Anne to pick instead. By the way Mary Anne smiles, she seems to understand it for the gift it is. 

Mary Anne picks You’ve Got Mail because she likes old films from the 90s, and they share a blanket and on the couch. Somehow, during the movie, they end up so close they’re side by side, and this is something they’ve done a million times, but here in the dark, with a romcom playing, Kristy has a million feelings about the whole thing. 

“Isn’t New York just sooo romantic?” Mary Anne asks during the movie. 

“Sure,” Kristy agrees. She knows how much Mary Anne loves New York. 

“We should go together again sometime. Get our parents to take us so we can go ice skating this winter, or something,” Mary Anne says dreamily. 

Mary Anne wants to take Kristy to a place she thinks is romantic? Kristy’s heart starts beating faster. But, she reminds herself, Mary Anne did also want to bring a parent, so it’s probably not like that. 

Still. “I’d really like that,” Kristy says, and she can’t see Mary Anne smile, but knows she’s smiling anyway. 

Kristy keeps feeling like the universe is giving her signs to actually tell Mary Anne how she feels. Mary Anne cooked for her tonight, that feels like a huge sign. But even so, she doesn’t even know if Mary Anne likes girls. Likes her? 

What keeps Kristy up at night is her worry about what it would mean for their friendship if she told Mary Anne she had feelings for her, and Mary Anne didn’t feel the same way, but the more Kristy thinks about it, the more she realizes that she knows without a doubt that Mary Anne would be kind to her no matter what. That’s just who Mary Anne is, the kindest person Kristy knows. 

They finish the movie and get ready for bed, Kristy taking her spot on a cot at the foot of Mary Anne’s bed, the way she has for nearly their entire lives. This time around, though, Kristy keeps replaying their evening in her head, and sleep doesn’t come quickly at all.

\---

The next week, Mary Anne wants to get smoothies on their way home from school, which in itself isn’t that weird, they get smoothies every Tuesday after school. The problem is, it’s Thursday, and Mary Anne seems kind of fidgety and nervous the entire walk back.

“Why are you being weird?” Kristy asks Mary Anne, because she’s nothing if not direct, and takes a sip of her strawberry-banana smoothie. 

Mary Anne scoffs. “I’m not being weird.” 

“If you say so,” Kristy replies, and lets it go for now. They’re almost at Mary Anne’s house now. 

“Come to the backyard with me?” Mary Anne asks, and reaches out her hand. Kristy takes it. Mary Anne’s hand feels nice and soft, as it always does. It makes Kristy smile and her stomach flip. 

“I need to tell you something,” Mary Anne starts when they sit down on the porch swing behind Mary Anne’s house. 

“Uh oh,” Kristy says under her breath. She doesn’t like secrets, and she’s worried about whatever Mary Anne has been keeping from her. Judging by how nervous Mary Anne is, and how she’s been acting weird recently, it can’t be good. “Tell me.” She turns to face Mary Anne and smiles, because she’s nothing if not a supportive friend. 

Mary Anne clasps her smoothie as if she’s holding on to it for dear life, and takes a long sip. Finally, she looks up right at Kristy.

“I like you,” she says, then immediately looks down.

Huh. That was anticlimactic. “I like you, too, Mary Anne,” Kristy responds, almost on autopilot, because she does. Duh. She’s her best friend, obviously Kristy likes her. 

“No… I mean...” Mary Anne starts, then fidgets some more. 

Kristy really doesn’t get what that’s about, and worries what more there is to come. What could Mary Anne tell her? She secretly has another group of friends? Another Baby-Sitters Club she moonlights for? She’s moving away? Oh god, what if Mary Anne is moving? Kristy couldn’t handle that.

“What I meant to say is, I _like_ -like you.” Mary Anne grimaces and looks away. Kristy is deeply charmed by her. 

“You like-like me?” Kristy repeats stupidly, and jumps back a little bit, because there’s no way Mary Anne is saying what Kristy thinks she’s saying, and Kristy really couldn’t possibly take the heartbreak if this is all some big misunderstanding. 

The way Mary Anne’s face falls, Kristy knows at once that Mary Anne means it, and also that she’s royally messing this up. Mary Anne jumps up off the swing, and Kristy reaches for her, but Mary Anne is faster. She takes a few steps back. 

“Yes, Kristy, I have a big old crush on you, now will you please stop looking at me so I can dig myself a hole in the ground over here and disappear into it?” Mary Anne sounds like she’s about to cry, and Kristy has to fix this immediately. 

“No, Mary Anne, wait,” Kristy says, and jumps up, too, following Mary Anne. “This time I’m the one who’s messing this up,” she says, and moves to hug Mary Anne. Kristy thinks it’s probably a good sign that Mary Anne lets her.

“I really don’t want you to disappear into a hole in the ground. Especially since I’m the one who’s had a crush on _you_ for so long,” Kristy near-whispers into Mary Anne’s shoulder. Even knowing Mary Anne apparently likes her _like that_ , which still feels like a fever dream, putting herself out there in this way still feels like the most terrifying thing she’s ever done. 

“You… have?” Mary Anne asks, looking at least a little more hopeful than she did 20 seconds ago. Kristy lets go of the hug, takes Mary Anne’s hand and pulls her back to the porch swing, where they sit down again. 

“Yes.” Kristy figures she should give Mary Anne a little bit more than that. “I really figured it out when we took that relationship quiz with the girls. Instead of some boy, I just pictured...” Kristy is suddenly shy. “You.” She feels herself blush. 

“No way! That explains why you were like… me-level quiet after we took that quiz.” Mary Anne takes Kristy’s hand in hers, and Kristy blushes some more. “I figured it out a little bit before then, but I pictured you during the quiz, too.” 

Mary Anne squeezes Kristy’s hand, and also smiles her brightest, most charming smile at her, and Kristy is helplessly smiling back. That explains so much about Mary Anne’s reaction at her results of the quiz. And all this time, Kristy thought Mary Anne’s reaction was about...

“But wait,” Kristy starts and drops Mary Anne’s hand. “What about Logan?” 

“Logan is kind of cute, but we didn’t work out, mostly because, Kristy, he’s not you. You’re just… the best. You’re loyal and bossy and a great leader, and you care so much about the kids we babysit, and you’re the best friend I could ask for. How could I not have a crush on you?” 

Kristy’s feelings at hearing those words are doing some weird things to her stomach. She feels all swoopy and like she’s floating on a cloud of cotton candy and joy. But she also felt exactly the way Mary Anne describes before she ever had a crush on her, and she just has to be sure. 

“And you’re sure this isn’t because I’m the only lesbian you talk to? You know, there are more out people at our school now, it’s the 2020s.” 

Mary Anne looks the most exasperated Kristy has maybe ever seen her, but she also looks like she’s about to burst out laughing.

Then she does laugh. “No, Kristy. It’s because it turns out I can like people regardless of what gender they are, and I just so happen to like you, for all the reasons I said. You’re my best friend in the world, in fact, you’re _more_ to me than a best friend, and I think you’re extremely cute and _Ialsothinkweshouldkiss_.” Mary Anne’s eyes go wide, as if she can’t believe she just said that. 

She did say it, though, and that makes Kristy smile so big she’s sure it’s almost cartoonish, and she thinks the butterflies in her stomach are about to take flight in unison. 

“Oh, you do, huh?” Kristy really can’t believe her luck. Is she really about to have her first kiss with her best friend in the world? 

“Ye-yes,” Mary Anne responds and can’t look at Kristy, and only then does Kristy really take the time to think about what it means that shy Mary Anne Spier just did all the work of confessing her feelings. 

Mary Anne really has put herself out there more so far, so Kristy thinks she can take it from here, even if she’s technically the more inexperienced of them. “I think you’re really cute, too. And so pretty,” she says, then leans in. 

She’s giving Mary Anne plenty of time to object, but deep inside, Kristy knows that she won’t. Kristy takes both of Mary Anne’s hands in hers, and kisses her lightly. Mary Anne’s lips feel soft and taste like raspberry chapstick, and Kristy has never felt this happy in her life. 

This is everything she’s ever wanted. She pulls back and looks away, suddenly feeling shy. That’s new, and something she’s not used to at all. Kristy wonders idly if Mary Anne’s shyness is rubbing off on her, now that it seems like they’re starting something between them. 

“Good?” Kristy asks, feeling a little nervous. She thinks there’s almost no way Mary Anne is feeling this much, because she can’t fathom anyone else feeling this much right now. 

“Good,” Mary Anne confirms, and one look at her equally shy, smiling face tells Kristy that she may have been wrong about that. 

“Then I think we should do it again,” Kristy says.

This time, Mary Anne is the one who leans in.

\---

They stay seated on the porch swing holding hands for what feels like hours, Kristy resting her head on Mary Anne’s shoulder and Mary Anne’s arm wrapped around her, as they talk about their respective realizations. It turns out that while Kristy went on the internet and relied on Google for help, Mary Anne turned to books for her own epiphany. She tells Kristy that the day after the fateful quiz, she took out a stack of YA novels with bi protagonists from the library to find out if that could be her, and she decided after reading two of them that it is.

They also have a good laugh when they figure out they’d both been pouring their hearts out to Dawn and had both sworn her to secrecy. 

“If only Dawn was a worse friend,” Kristy laments. 

“Or a terrible secret keeper,” Mary Anne laughs. 

“We could have saved ourselves so much trouble,” Kristy finishes. 

Mary Anne pulls her in closer. “But we got there ourselves in the end,” she says, and smiles. Kristy loves her so much. That’s why this doesn’t feel as scary as it probably should, because they’ve known each other so well and for so long that Kristy has no doubt in her mind that they’ll be okay no matter what. 

They spend the whole afternoon together, holding hands and smiling at each other a lot, and occasionally kissing. Richard makes them dinner when he gets home, and they really do try their best to be cool. They’re not quite ready to share this new thing between them with _parents_ just yet. 

There is one person they want to share it with, though, so after dinner, right before Kristy has to go home, they head up to Mary Anne’s room to call Dawn. 

Dawn shrieks into the phone when Kristy tells her Mary Anne is her girlfriend now. 

“Girlfriend, huh,” Mary Anne whispers right after they hang up, grinning from ear to ear.

“Oh,” Kristy says, realizing they haven’t actually had that conversation yet, and blushing. “Um. Yes? If you want? I’d like you to be.” She turns to face Mary Anne. 

“I’d really like that, too,” Mary Anne says and squeezes Kristy’s hand.

Kristy can’t help but pull Mary Anne into a hug, not letting go for a while. Mary Anne, her best friend who’s also her _girlfriend_ now. It almost seems rude that she has to go home right after that and not see Mary Anne again until tomorrow morning. 

_Good night, girlfriend,_ Mary Anne texts her before bed that night, then adds a series of hearts. 

_Good night, gf,_ Kristy texts back, followed by even more hearts. 

As Kristy lies awake for a long time, far too wired from the adrenaline and joy of the day to sleep, she thinks about how this has been the best day of her life so far. 

And tomorrow, she’ll wake up and Mary Anne Spier will be her girlfriend, and all the other days to follow, too. Kristy can’t wait for all the best days of her life yet to come.


End file.
